Life's Work

I've been emailing an old La Leche League friend the past few weeks as I dealt with thrush and what looked like might have been a supply issue due to thrush (and in fact, probably was, but more on that later). I was thinking about how I'd done so much work with League, but in the end, it wasn't my life's work, and I left. Basically, I found myself getting unsympathetic, and that's the last thing a new mom needs to hear on the phone (I was fabulous online, but then they took that help form away...). League is Cathy's life's work. She is so good at what she does and so passionate. But it isn't mine, even though I am eternally grateful for their support and I didn't leave because I was angry or something like that. I just couldn't make it be all I did.

The woman I run the Atrium with at Pius called a couple weeks ago and we chatted about the woman who runs the program at Margaret's, and has started a morning Atrium at Pius for other 3-5 year olds who couldn't make it to the afternoon session. We lamented how busy we were, how hard it was to find time to make materials, to prepare, and how natural it seemed to be for Therese. Atrium is her life's work. It isn't mine, even though I love it. But I'm learning that I'm not very good at it, compared to Therese. Because she has sunk her soul into it and I just can't figure out how.

I'm not sure I know anyone who takes Girl Scouting as her life's work, but let me tell you, it ain't mine. Not just because of the cookie situation, but also the paperwork, the bitter volunteers who are short with me via email or in person because I haven't filled out my ABC-123 form yet. The red tape involved with simply taking a group of girls to a park is really over the top. I want girl scouting to be my life's work, probably more than Atrium or La Leche League, but it isn't. Maybe it will be after we get over this hump. I love working with the girls, I think I'm pretty good at it, but I have a hard time with several aspects of it. I will stick with it...but it isn't my passion.

It's silly to even mention it, but Irish Dance isn't my life's work either. Nor is montessori education or heirloom gardening or old house rehab or local politics or mah jongg. Well, if mah jongg could be a "life's work", maybe I'd sign up for that. But I can't make myself sink my entire self into any of this. I simply can't get all riled up about it. None of it, as my friend Ann would put it, makes my heart sing in a way that says "this is what you should be doing."

Not even math.

Last night I went to an Art & Environment meeting at church. Also not my life's work, this plant and linen care, decorating and maintaining. But rather subtly, the idea of making a banner for Easter came up. I don't know if there was this intention or not, or even if I was the one who said it first. We went out into the nave and looked up at the crucifix and the rose window (which we couldn't see because it was dark, but we knew what we were looking at). We talked a bit about whites and golds and starburst designs and what to do, what to do. I told them I'd do some thinking.

I went home and did some talking with Mike, who gave me yet another look (this one I'm referring to as the "900 boxes of cookies" look--meaning, "are you sure you want to do something else right now?"). I'm not sure. I don't know if I have enough time and this baby, oy, he's starting to be tougher. But quilting for church may be something I could call a life's work.

But not really. I love it, I do sink energy and time into it without complaint or bitterness. But if I never made another quilted banner for church, I'd find something else to do with my time.

Maybe I really am just a jill-of-all-trades and I need to stop pondering this. Do what I can where I am and learn something new and do that for a while. It strikes me as seriously ADHD to be this way, but maybe that isn't so bad.